I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
