i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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