I'm jealous of your bromance
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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