Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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