dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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