I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
