In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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