So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
