I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
