sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
