It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
