her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
