If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
