I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
