Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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