I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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