I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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