yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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