Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
