Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
