now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
