U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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