i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
