i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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