So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
