Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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