I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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