I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
