shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
