I'm passing your future prison.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
