I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
