Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she smelled like a LAN party
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
