you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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