The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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