she looked like the before picture.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
