i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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