you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
