Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
