You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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