I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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