How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
