I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
