What did we do last night that was yellow?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
