He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
