he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
