i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
