Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
