I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
