Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
