i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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