I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
