i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
