i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
