Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
