so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
